Auld Lang Syne

Went to work as normal on New Year's Eve, and managed to finish work at 6-ish pm. Then, it was a dash home to shower and change for a small gathering at a friend's house for dinner. As my friend had no television or radio, we resorted to using the internet for BBC radio 1 to listen to the countdown. I had an enjoyable time despite my emotions running wild as a month back, this was not how I had thought I would be celebrating the New Year. But then again, who could have predicted that it would have ended up this way?

New year's resolution. Hmm... Looking back at 2008, I realised that I had not been looking after myself. Due to my now-ex-relationship, I had become too complacent and had slack off in many areas, particularly exercise and beauty care. For 2009, I resolve to look after myself first and to make an effort to pick up where I had slack off.

And I hope that I get over this current predicament that I am facing, and that I will also be able to find it in my heart to forgive him.

The passing of the new year will not be complete without the song Auld Lang Syne. A song that I know very well but never knew the true meaning of. Auld Lang Syne is a Scottish poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and is set to the tune of a traditional folk song.

The English translation of the song is as below.

And for old long past, my joy (sweetheart),
For old long past,
We will take a cup of kindness yet,
For old long past,

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And days of old long past.

And surely you will pay for your pint-vessel!
And surely I will pay for mine!
And we will take a cup of kindness yet,
For old long past.

We two have run about the hillsides
And pulled the wild daisies fine;
But we have wandered many a weary foot
Since old long past.

We two have paddled in the stream,
From morning sun till noon;
But seas between us broad have roared
Since old long past.

And there is a hand, my trusty friend!
And give me a hand of yours!
And we will take a right good-will drink,

For old long past.

Auld Lang Syne by Mairi Campbell (from Sex and the City: The Movie)

Happy 2009!

Happy new year! Happy 2009! May it be a prosperous and blessed one.

Bursting

No, not bursting into tears (yet!).

Am talking about the unit where I am currently working in, which is the unit that provides monitoring and treatment for patients who are critically ill or in an unstable condition. The unit is currently working at full capacity with all beds being occupied, and we have had to open up extra beds outside the unit. We are bursting with patients.

Even though we maybe able to find beds, there's not much point if we can't find the medical and nursing staff to support them. The patient:nurse ratio is meant to be 1:1, but can be stretched to 2:1 if needed, but that's not ideal.

Apparently, it's not only our hospital which has been affected. Every other unit in the county is working at maximum capacity as well. Not an ideal situation to be in as it means elective surgeries which are deemed high-risk have to be cancelled as there is no post-operative care beds available to look after them. It's not fair for patients who are waiting for their surgeries but unfortunately, what can we do, with our limited resources? I really hope this crisis sorts itself out soon.

If any non-medical person is interested to know more about the unit, this NHS website provides a good overview of the unit.

Interesting

Just realised that I resuscitated this blog on the 26th of December 2007, but didn't update it regularly. And exactly a year later, I have resumed writing in my blog again, as a way of releasing stress and bottled emotions, due to the unfortunate event that had befallen on me on the 26th of December 2008. How interesting.....or is it a mere coincidence?

Retail therapy

My friends and I went to Westfield Shopping Centre yesterday. It's Europe's largest urban shopping mall located in West London, with 265 shops, 50 restaurants, a gym, a spa and a 14-screen cinema. They even built a new overland train station to accommodate the huge number of visitors expected.

And yes, it is huge, for UK standards. However, coming from Malaysia, we have even larger shopping complexes in Kuala Lumpur. Nevertheless, I was excited at the prospects of retail therapy. I was eager to spend, spend, spend.

And what did I buy?

Nothing, nada, zilch.

It's not as if there wasn't any good sales going on or lousy shops. There were decent sales and a good variety of shops ranging from Zara, Mango, Debenhams, H&M, Apple, Topshop (all the high street brands you can think of) and for the upper-class crowds, there were De Beers, Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Dior and Tiffany and Co and many more.

I guess despite my urge to spend, my brain wouldn't let me do it, unless it was an item I definitely need and it was good value for money.

Oh well, it was still nice to be out of the house, in the company of friends. But the urge to buy something is still there. Will have to find something online, I guess, as I don't have any leave from work to go shopping.

Empty chairs at empty tables

There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.

Empty chairs at empty tables.

(Empty chairs at empty tables from Les Miserables)

Am feeling empty inside at the moment. I know I am in denial as the pain is still bearable and I haven't cried bucket loads of tears yet. Maybe it's because I haven't accepted it yet. Maybe it's because I am still clinging on to hope. Hope that he will come to his senses. After all, he did say, he would like to remain good friends and see how in the next few months.

Silly, I know. Having such hope will only disappoint me further, but it's keeping me sane for the moment, while keeping myself busy with work. I am gearing myself for the other shoe to drop, for the reality to sink in one morning when I wake up and finally realise that he's never coming back.

And that I am alone, once again. And then the tears will come......

And another one bites the dust....

And so after 20 months and 20 days, another relationship bites the dust...

Don't ask me how I am feeling at the moment. Plain numb...