Bursting

No, not bursting into tears (yet!).

Am talking about the unit where I am currently working in, which is the unit that provides monitoring and treatment for patients who are critically ill or in an unstable condition. The unit is currently working at full capacity with all beds being occupied, and we have had to open up extra beds outside the unit. We are bursting with patients.

Even though we maybe able to find beds, there's not much point if we can't find the medical and nursing staff to support them. The patient:nurse ratio is meant to be 1:1, but can be stretched to 2:1 if needed, but that's not ideal.

Apparently, it's not only our hospital which has been affected. Every other unit in the county is working at maximum capacity as well. Not an ideal situation to be in as it means elective surgeries which are deemed high-risk have to be cancelled as there is no post-operative care beds available to look after them. It's not fair for patients who are waiting for their surgeries but unfortunately, what can we do, with our limited resources? I really hope this crisis sorts itself out soon.

If any non-medical person is interested to know more about the unit, this NHS website provides a good overview of the unit.

Interesting

Just realised that I resuscitated this blog on the 26th of December 2007, but didn't update it regularly. And exactly a year later, I have resumed writing in my blog again, as a way of releasing stress and bottled emotions, due to the unfortunate event that had befallen on me on the 26th of December 2008. How interesting.....or is it a mere coincidence?

Retail therapy

My friends and I went to Westfield Shopping Centre yesterday. It's Europe's largest urban shopping mall located in West London, with 265 shops, 50 restaurants, a gym, a spa and a 14-screen cinema. They even built a new overland train station to accommodate the huge number of visitors expected.

And yes, it is huge, for UK standards. However, coming from Malaysia, we have even larger shopping complexes in Kuala Lumpur. Nevertheless, I was excited at the prospects of retail therapy. I was eager to spend, spend, spend.

And what did I buy?

Nothing, nada, zilch.

It's not as if there wasn't any good sales going on or lousy shops. There were decent sales and a good variety of shops ranging from Zara, Mango, Debenhams, H&M, Apple, Topshop (all the high street brands you can think of) and for the upper-class crowds, there were De Beers, Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Dior and Tiffany and Co and many more.

I guess despite my urge to spend, my brain wouldn't let me do it, unless it was an item I definitely need and it was good value for money.

Oh well, it was still nice to be out of the house, in the company of friends. But the urge to buy something is still there. Will have to find something online, I guess, as I don't have any leave from work to go shopping.

Empty chairs at empty tables

There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.

Empty chairs at empty tables.

(Empty chairs at empty tables from Les Miserables)

Am feeling empty inside at the moment. I know I am in denial as the pain is still bearable and I haven't cried bucket loads of tears yet. Maybe it's because I haven't accepted it yet. Maybe it's because I am still clinging on to hope. Hope that he will come to his senses. After all, he did say, he would like to remain good friends and see how in the next few months.

Silly, I know. Having such hope will only disappoint me further, but it's keeping me sane for the moment, while keeping myself busy with work. I am gearing myself for the other shoe to drop, for the reality to sink in one morning when I wake up and finally realise that he's never coming back.

And that I am alone, once again. And then the tears will come......

And another one bites the dust....

And so after 20 months and 20 days, another relationship bites the dust...

Don't ask me how I am feeling at the moment. Plain numb...